OrbyGuides
Triads: a relationship of three
A triad (also called a throuple) is a relationship of three people where each person is in a relationship with the other two. Some triads start as a couple who meet someone; others start as three friends, or form all at once. There’s no single right shape.
How it can look
- Three people who all date each other, sometimes living together, sometimes not.
- A “V” instead: one person dates two people who aren’t together with each other. That’s not a triad, and that’s fine.
- A triad that’s closed (just the three of you) or open (each person can date others too).
Three relationships, not one
A triad holds four relationships at once: each of the three pairs, and the three of you together. Each pair needs its own time and care. When one pair gets all the attention, the third person can feel like a guest in their own relationship.
Things to talk about early
- What each of you wants: love, sex, living together, a future, or still finding out.
- Time: how you share evenings, weekends and holidays, as three and as pairs.
- Other partners: closed or open, and what you’d each need to know.
- Hard moments: what you’ll do when someone feels left out.
If you started as a couple
- The new person joins as an equal, not as an addition to your couple. Rules you made before they came are worth talking about again, with them.
- Give their two relationships room to grow on their own, not only when the three of you are together.
- Ask, don’t assume: what’s fine for one of you may not be for the other two.
When it changes
Triads can grow, change shape or end, and one pair can go on when another stops. Talking about that early makes it easier if it happens. For property, wills or children, get advice from a lawyer where you live.
Words you’ll hear
- Triad or throuple: three people all in a relationship with each other.
- V: one person with two partners who aren’t together.
- Polycule: everyone connected by relationships, drawn as a web.
- Metamour: your partner’s partner (in a triad, often your partner too).
- Unicorn: a word for a third person a couple is looking for; many people feel it reduces them to a role, so ask before you use it.
How Orby helps
On Orby a triad can link all three profiles, so you show as one card, and each person says yes privately for themselves. Nothing starts unless all three of you agree. ENM, polyamory and open relationships: the differences · Inviting a third · Kitchen table and parallel polyamory · Jealousy and compersion.